All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
