and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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