Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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