there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
