Who did Billy Mays play for?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
