I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
