Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
