The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
