Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
