i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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