I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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