The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
