Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
