hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
