I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I love having hate sex.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
