She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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