i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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