I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have tasted many bathrooms
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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