He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
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I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.