Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?

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(281): I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow? http://tfl.nu/ft8k

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine

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(617): i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine http://tfl.nu/ryw8

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(206): View more from Washington

If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh

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(206): If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh http://tfl.nu/j9ko

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(917): View more from New York City

you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

(720): View more from Colorado

ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

(917): View more from New York City

no it doesn't.

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(917): you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere. (720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning... (917): no it doesn't. http://tfl.nu/6x89

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now

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(318): I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now http://tfl.nu/xdsb

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(803): View more from South Carolina

He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.

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(803): He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex. http://tfl.nu/kpvm

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.

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(780): She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile. http://tfl.nu/gnnf

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(248): View more from Michigan

Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.

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(248): Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages. http://tfl.nu/po3d

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(614): View more from Ohio

thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.

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(614): thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn. http://tfl.nu/sfhl

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(281): View more from Texas

Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday

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(281): Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday http://tfl.nu/9ias

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home

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(918): I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home http://tfl.nu/noo6

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.

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(303): I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick. http://tfl.nu/7vfn

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(330): View more from Ohio

I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.

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(330): I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date. http://tfl.nu/3kpf

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(757): View more from Virginia

you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.

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(757): you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR. http://tfl.nu/zp8x

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(206): View more from Washington

I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole

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(206): I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole http://tfl.nu/tvcl

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