Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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