i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again