It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
