plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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