i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize