He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
