I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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