Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
