They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
