you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
