I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
