Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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