dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm like, not good at living.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
