I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I sprained my soul last night
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
