either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
