how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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