I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
