yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
