Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm getting married
To pizza
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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