it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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