I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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