omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
