Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
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My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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