his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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