that's an acceptable place to lick
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
