I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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