i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
