I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
