i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
