A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
