woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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