Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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