what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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