So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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