we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
