This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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