Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize