what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
