i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The uberlube is also flammable
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
