I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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