I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
