so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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