i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
