So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
