I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
