I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
