He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
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Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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