the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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