better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
