Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize