I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
