Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
