ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
